My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
birth control should be required to get into college
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
