are you so shy because you have an std?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
