just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
