i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
