what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
