it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
