Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
