There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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