it was like his penis was on wheels.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
