Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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