Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
