So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
