i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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