So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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