She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
