we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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