oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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