He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
