Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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