I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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