You're earring is so big in my mouth
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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