I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
