Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
