how can u be prego again
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
