So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
