Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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