Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
