It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
