i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
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I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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