I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
