i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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