So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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