i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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