saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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