Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
