1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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