Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Randomize
