After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
