all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
