Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
