i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it glows. i had to have it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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