My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
