Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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