Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
as a side note pls kill me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
