evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
