I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize