Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
