He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
