my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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