Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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