Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
