Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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