If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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