He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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