Can i not drive my cunt home
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
