Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
