you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
