Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
