I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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