were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
