I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
