AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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