Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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