If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize