Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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