I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just want nice things and good sex
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
