...so i touched it.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
