First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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