new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
