My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
as a side note pls kill me
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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