I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
