is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
