so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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