Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
