I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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