Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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