Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
