I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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