My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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