Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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