Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
