All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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