I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
