thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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