You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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