I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
