I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
